After a couple of weeks of feeling like an absolute mom failure, I’ve finally had more moments than not that make me realize that maybe I’m not failing my child, and that maybe she won’t grow up and just detest me. I’m very excited about this. She has been throwing tantrums and picking on other kids at daycare and instigating situations in which she gets bit. And don’t tell me “oh it’s just their age.” No. I’m sorry. I don’t care about other kids (in that respect). I care about Aubree. I care about how Aubree acts. I care that Aubree is well behaved. That’s not to say I want her to think that she’s better than other kids. I want her to be a leader, to be a strong confident woman. Not just one that knows she’s cute and uses that to get away with stuff. (Although she is just beautiful.) I started to wonder if maybe I had set my expectations too high and that they were unreachable for her at her age, but I think that we had a breakthrough yesterday.
Yesterday started a little rough with her banging on doors and flailing about angrily because I wouldn’t let her in the (teeny tiny) bathroom. I’m sorry, I just don’t want her under my feet! Why don’t you understand that, child!! Anyway, I worried all day about whether or not she had a rough day at daycare, if she was sad because she got disciplined that morning, and sad because I had to discipline her. I don’t like it, it doesn’t make me happy and it’s probably the hardest part about being a single mom. I picked her up from daycare and she was all smiles! We had to run by the store and she was such a good girl in the car. We got into the store and I asked her if she wanted to walk on her own and she nodded so I put her down and held her hand. We walked a little ways and I could see that she was a little overwhelmed and starting to panic a little so I asked her if she needed me to pick her up, she nodded her head and signed “please” so I did and then I thanked her for being such a good girl! She was just so good the rest of the night and it made me so happy! She was a good girl this morning, and I’m really hoping I don’t jinx myself for when I pick her up tonight! Guess we’ll find out.
Her new tricks include spinning round and round and then saying “Woah!” when she stops, she knows what and where her “bobo” is. She’s totally obsessed with shoes, blankets, puppies and her binki. She loves to eat, snuggle, run and laugh and I just love her so very much!!