Monthly Archives: November 2013

Proud Mommy Moments

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After a couple of weeks of feeling like an absolute mom failure, I’ve finally had more moments than not that make me realize that maybe I’m not failing my child, and that maybe she won’t grow up and just detest me.  I’m very excited about this.  She has been throwing tantrums and picking on other kids at daycare and instigating situations in which she gets bit.  And don’t tell me “oh it’s just their age.”  No.  I’m sorry.  I don’t care about other kids (in that respect).  I care about Aubree.  I care about how Aubree acts.  I care that Aubree is well behaved.  That’s not to say I want her to think that she’s better than other kids.  I want her to be a leader, to be a strong confident woman.  Not just one that knows she’s cute and uses that to get away with stuff.  (Although she is just beautiful.)  I started to wonder if maybe I had set my expectations too high and that they were unreachable for her at her age, but I think that we had a breakthrough yesterday.

Yesterday started a little rough with her banging on doors and flailing about angrily because I wouldn’t let her in the (teeny tiny) bathroom.  I’m sorry, I just don’t want her under my feet!  Why don’t you understand that, child!!  Anyway, I worried all day about whether or not she had a rough day at daycare, if she was sad because she got disciplined that morning, and sad because I had to discipline her.  I don’t like it, it doesn’t make me happy and it’s probably the hardest part about being a single mom.  I picked her up from daycare and she was all smiles!  We had to run by the store and she was such a good girl in the car.  We got into the store and I asked her if she wanted to walk on her own and she nodded so I put her down and held her hand.  We walked a little ways and I could see that she was a little overwhelmed and starting to panic a little so I asked her if she needed me to pick her up, she nodded her head and signed “please” so I did and then I thanked her for being such a good girl!  She was just so good the rest of the night and it made me so happy!  She was a good girl this morning, and I’m really hoping I don’t jinx myself for when I pick her up tonight!  Guess we’ll find out.

Her new tricks include spinning round and round and then saying “Woah!” when she stops, she knows what and where her “bobo” is.  She’s totally obsessed with shoes, blankets, puppies and her binki.  She loves to eat, snuggle, run and laugh and I just love her so very much!!

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My Name

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This post seems to be hard for me to put out there and I’m not sure why.  My name is legally all changed back to Stephenie Jones.  Driver’s license, social security, at my workplace.  I still need to go talk to my bank, but the super important stuff is back to Jones.  Right now, I have the name that I want to develop my professional identity under.  But it makes me kind of mad that I had to do all this.  I’m not even mad at the ex.  I don’t care about him, and haven’t for a while.  I care more about my name!  I changed it, thinking that I was doing the right thing when I got married.  That’s what I was supposed to do right?  Change my name.  I left Jones behind and that was hard for me!  Really hard!  And I know about one other person who understands how I feel about it, and that’s my sister.  I even kept my middle name and just let my maiden name go.  I let something I was incredibly proud of go… for what?  Tradition??  Lord have mercy that seems dumb to me now.  I don’t really have much more to say about the subject, just that I’m back to me.  My name is the name that’s on my BA diploma and my Tech ring, it’s the name I was born with.  At least if I die tomorrow (hopefully not) I’ll be buried as a Jones.

 

*Disclaimer – This is not to say that if I ever remarry, I won’t take on his name in some way.  I’ll just find a way to keep Jones as well.  I don’t really feel comfortable letting it go again.