Trial and Error

Standard

So many of you are probably wondering how yesterday went.  Yesterday was my final hearing for my divorce.  I won, I’m free, but man it was rough.  I feel like the whole experience is just more proof that I have done the right thing.  It only lasted an hour, but it felt like it took a million years.  I’m not having  a hard time with the fact I’m divorced, I’m not even grieving the loss of my marriage.  I did that a long time ago.  I’ve already worked through that.  I am having a hard part with all the things that were said about me.  A federal inmate tried his hardest to make me look like a monster and there was really nothing I could do to defend myself.  I was accused of having anger issues, abusing my daughter physically and emotionally, I was called a liar and inconsistent, he told the judge that Aubree needed to be removed from MY care because I was a danger to her.  I am her mother… and he said I was a danger to her.  I know what he was doing, he wasn’t saying that to the judge, or my lawyer, or anyone else in that court room, he was saying it directly to me.  He wanted me specifically to hear all those awful things.  It was his last ditch effort to get me to stop.  He thought he could still intimidate me into stopping by calling me a horrible mother, he thought he could convince the judge of that.  He was playing on my insecurities, and trying to make me feel awful about myself….  And that just makes me so angry!  Why was a federal inmate allowed to make me look so bad and I wasn’t allowed to say one single word to defend myself.  Why was he allowed to call me a terrible mother when he knows ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about what mine and Aubree’s day to day is like!!!  Why was he allowed to go on and on and on about what a monster *I* was??  I’m the monster??  EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!  No.  I am a gainful member of society who works hard, protects my daughters, gets the bills paid and I live in the REAL world without relying on video games or illicit things to validate my life.  The part that bugs me the most was that strangers heard those lies about me, they don’t know me, and I am beginning to feel like divorces are nothing but he said/she said and in this case she didn’t say much of anything!!  The rational side of me understands that the judge is aware that Aubree is 19 months old and Andrew has been in prison for 20 months.  That pretty much means he has always relied on me to see her and all he’s basically ever been able to do is give her a bottle and hold her.  He doesn’t know anything about her since she became mobile, verbal and personality-fied.  But still, how dare he insinuate all those awful things about me and I had to just sit there and take it!  I’m still working through my feelings on this.

I’m pretty sure I became a true lady yesterday.  I didn’t rise to his bait, I didn’t yell, I didn’t even cry except once.  And I won.  I got my baby, I got my house, and I got my car, and he got virtually nothing.  All his stomping, yelling, threatening, name calling and just general emotional terrorism got him nowhere.  I am divorced, I’m the sole managing conservator of my baby, I get my house, my car and my debt (which suits me just fine), and I am free.  Finally.  How in the world did I survive this?  I don’t know, but I’m glad I did.  I’m glad to FINALLY be able to move forward.  It all boils down to God is good and gave me the strength to persevere.  I am thankful for that for sure!

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About stepheniejones

I'm currently an advisor in the College of Education at Texas Tech. I have a sweet baby girl named Aubree. I'm currently getting my Master's in Counselor Education with an emphasis on Community Counseling. I feel really called to be a counselor. I'm really excited! I enjoy reading, crocheting, good music, and good friends.

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