Being a single mom is hard. Obviously being a mom is rewarding and just about my favorite thing, EVER. I struggle though. I struggle with the fact that I feel like I’m really strict, and that I don’t have a lot of patience, or tolerate very much “bad” behavior. And then I struggle with “well is she really being bad, or is she hurting or hungry or whatever, and I am missing something?” And then I realize I probably underestimate her sometimes. I don’t really have anyone I can confer with either in real time. All decisions are all on me, and I’m doing the best I can… but it still makes me sad when I get on to her and she cries. Even thinking of it now causes a huge lump in my throat. I definitely broke down crying on the phone with George the other day about it after Aubree had a melt down in the store… and church… and at home. That was a rough day. I also felt like people were not being overly supportive, hence my blog yesterday.
I got go go hang out with him last night, dinner, movies, homework. Yay! He knew I was tired and still having a hard time about Aubree’s tantrums over the weekend. In his thoughtfulness, he found a video for me. He said a friend put it on Facebook and he saw it, but I kinda wonder if he didn’t search it out to make me feel better. 😉 Or maybe it really was put in his path so he could show it to me, I don’t know. Either way, he had this ready for me when I got to his house last night. (Mom’s get your tissues ready!)
I bawled. Everything those moms said is exactly what I’ve been thinking since Aubree started getting into things and sassily telling me “uh-uh!” when I tell her to get out of them. I don’t know the circumstances of those moms. Are they married? Are they single? Do they have one child or ten? All I know is they’re moms and they’re having the same problems that I am having. Oh my soul, what a relief, it’s not just me. I’m not the only one who feels like I don’t spend enough time having fun with Aubree, or that I’m always getting on to her, or desperately trying to get things done and putting her off. Those kids don’t immediately think of the times that their mom got on to them. The first thing that comes into their little minds is that mom colors with them, or that they have days where they go to the mall and get their nails done, or that mom cooks REALLY good food. Hopefully as Aubree goes about her day, she won’t think of me telling her to stop messing with whatever she was messing with at the time, but she’ll remember laying on my chest as I was laying in the floor trying to decide to put my shoes on and get moving. I hope that’s what she thinks about.
Anyway, watch the video! Absorb the perspective that our kids know we love them and that they don’t dwell on us disciplining them. They think about us loving them unconditionally. What a beautiful thing!!