Monthly Archives: August 2013

Random Ramblings

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I don’t know that I have that much to say. Part of this entry is because I figured it would be a good way to practice with my new keyboard on my iPad and part of it because, man, I just want to rant. A lot!! Feel free to ignore me.

So first of all, as a mother I feel required to make mention of the Miley Cyrus antics on the VMA’s. No I did not watch it live. I had better things to do. But after all the buzz about it today, I decided to check it out. Lord have mercy on my soul. Where are her momma and daddy, what do they think of that, or can they even control her anymore? Who knows. All I know is that I’m glad I’m not her mama. I would have to smack the smart ass right out of her mouth. As an aside to Aubree. Don’t ever act like that. Please, please hear my voice in the back of your head saying “Be a lady, or else.” I really hope I can lead by example on the lady thing, but I know I’ll mess up sometimes. Aubree, there are ways of getting notice that don’t require rubbing yourself on some nasty boy. That’s not the kind of attention you want. Get noticed for your brains, and your personality, and your wit and charm, not for your supposed sex appeal. You won’t get very far there. Be a kind, loving, gentile person. Just know that if you’re not, you will NEVER be too old for me to bust your precious behind. And it will be out of love, I promise, and you’ll think I’m the meanest mom ever, but when you have a job, and a house, and a family, and you’re not devastated and alone… you’ll thank me. And then we can be friends, like Mimi and I are. Just keep all that in mind.

My second rant is this. I called to make Aubree an appointment for her 18 month check up. I wanted to do it on Wednesday since Tuesday and Thursday aren’t good. Well apparently there are only so many slots that can be prebooked before they can only accept appointments on the day of. I’m sorry, what?? You mean to tell me that you’re already all prebooked and all I can do is call ON Wednesday and make an appointment for the same day?? I’m sorry, darlin, I work in the real world. We cain’t do things like that, our bosses don’t appreciate it. They expect us to give them advanced notice and they should! She didn’t seem to understand why that made no sense at all!! I’m sorry, I expect to be able to call in advance and make an appointment, not have the preferable option be to call the day of. Someone please explain it to me! (Fair warning, I’m not going to find any reason for this to be acceptable. Probably just shouldn’t try explaining.) I couldn’t get her in until next week. I guess next time I’ll have to start a week in advance making her appointment. So dumb!

Rant number three! Went to United after getting Aubree from daycare after an already melt down at Walmart. Why did I go to United after going to Walmart? I don’t really like the meat or produce at Wally World and my basket was full because I bought a car seat. And Aubree was meltin down, I figured we better change scenery. So I bought cabbage because I’m going to try something new. That’s the whole reason I went into the store. Well the girl couldn’t find it in her little manual, neither of us had any idea what I was talkin about and both of us were confused, and Aubree was losing patience rapidly. The sacker guy took my cabbage to go look at see the price (which was all the way across the store). Then another little sacker guy came up and the cashier sent him after the other guy. Well guy one came back, SANS cabbage… the whole reason I was in the store!!! (I felt that was worth repeating.) About this time, Aubree is getting super wiggly and the cashier is deciding to get attitude, which isn’t helping my already (not so great) attitude. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with me, and I’m sorry you don’t know what you sell, I am however the paying customer, so probably should wipe the nasty look off your face.

All of this was compounded by the first day of class, and people just generally being nutso around campus. Suffice it to say, I’m so glad to be home. Aubree is too, she’s just walking around being her sweet little self. She doesn’t know what a twerk is and when she sticks her tongue out it’s still cute. I don’t think I have to worry about her shaving her head or acting like a moron any time soon. Thank God.

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Tough Questions

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One of the best things about my experience as a mommy is that I really don’t have to share it with anyone. Aubree’s raising is pretty much all on me, and I kinda like it that way. Maybe I’m selfish, but I enjoy not having to share the responsibility. Sure it would be nice to occasionally have some backup, but I really am the type of person that takes charge with that kind of thing and I truly don’t think I would ask that often. (Is that terrible??) I don’t have to consult on discipline, I make the choices about her health, her clothes, her hair, where she’ll go to school, what she’ll do in school when she’s younger, and I don’t have to argue with anyone. I relish in that. But let’s face it…. Aubree and I are not a typical family. We make it, and we rock, but we’re not what is considered “normal.” So when one of the younger kids asked me in church the other day (and this is the second time something like this has come up) (WHY DO KIDS ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!!!!) “Does Aubree have a dad?” I responded “NO!” … “Yes… NO!” And then hung my head in shame because I didn’t know how to answer the question. Why was I ashamed?! I sure didn’t do anything wrong. And Aubree is awesome. She doesn’t need a dad! She’s got me! And I’m awesome! That doesn’t make the question any less complicated. What am I going to do when SHE asks me… I don’t want to deal with this. Is she going to hate me because she doesn’t have a dad? Or will she be ok cause I’m what she knows. I mean we rock along fine now, but is she going to be jealous of kids on the playground for having something she doesn’t have?

Too many questions running around in my dumb little girl brain. I just want her to be happy and not feel like she’s missing something. And I feel responsible for making up what she is missing even though I didn’t take it from her. It’s so frustrating.

ETA: I wrote this a couple of days ago and I’m just now brave enough to post it.

Oh My Joy

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What is true joy?  I guess people really have their own definitions of what is joy and what is not.  What is joy for me, may not be joy for something else.  I’ve been thinking a lot about joy the last couple of days.  And everyone keeps telling me to not let anyone steal my joy.  I didn’t take time to think about what my joy was, but I think I’ll share it now that I have been thinkin’ on it.

My joy… Oh my joy is little feet traipsing around my carpet clumsily.  It’s this tiny, two foot tall little person bouncing off walls and doors and furniture.  It’s her stuffing three cookies in her mouth and then trying to figure out how to chew it all and then when she realizes she can’t, putting one soggy cookie in my hand to save for later.  It is the fact that she seems to love pizza/spaghetti sauce but not necessarily the noodles or crust.  It is laying her down and looking at her sweet little curls while she sleeps.  My joy is her sweet little angel voice saying “eye” when she points to her eye.  Or “Hi Mama!!”  That is all my joy.

My biggest joy will be when she feels the same joy I think.  When she has a child of her own to love this much.  Won’t that just be heaven.  I wonder if that’s how my momma feels??

VBE Continued

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I knew there would be more about VBE to type out.  Friday was an exhausting fun day.  One of my boys took a great interest in the Bible verses we discussed and was really excited when I let him use the Bible app on my phone since he didn’t get to look at a Bible of his own.  He just read and read and read.  It was so wonderful.  And then, to top it all off!  I had this trio of boys at the beginning of the week all I could think was “These kids are going to be such a handful.”  And they were!  But they were so wonderful too.  At the end of the week, one of those boys won the bike drawing.  And my preacher couldn’t even keep his name straight, which we thought was hilarious, but I promise you, I”ll never forget his name.  When his name was called he ran up and his face was so lit up with excitement.  Who knew what was going to ask next.  He tugged on Paul’s sleeve and motioned him to lean over so he could tell him something.  All I could think was “What is this boy gonna do!”  Well then Paul announced that this sweet boy was giving his cousin (who was also at VBE) the bike because he didn’t have one!  And then I burst into tears.

After VBE was over, I gave him a hug and I told him that he was such a blessing to me and that I learned A LOT from him and that I prayed for him everyday.  He kinda teared up and we hugged.  I’m going to miss him.  I hope I get to see him soon!  I hope I get to see all of them soon!  I can’t wait to do VBE again next year!

Vacation Bible EXPERIENCE

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Why is “experience” in caps up there, you ask?  Because that’s exactly what it has been.  A learning EXPERIENCE.  I wanted to write about it, but was hesitant until after the end, but I guess I can add an addendum to this after it’s all over.  I’m just not sure how coherent I’ll be at the end of today and over the weekend since I’m running on a lot less sleep and a lot of extra activities.  Part of it I did to myself, part of it was done to me!  (Not really, but hey it sounds funnier that way.)

Vacation Bible Experience… fell right after I got back from vacation, at the end of my second summer session for this summer at Tech, right before Graduation, holy moly!  So I feel like I’ve been running around like a chicken with my head cut off this week.  To give a little back story, I told my preacher that I was more than willing to help with VBE.  Happy to!  I love serving my church, they’re my family and I love them just as much as my biological family, every single one of them.  That being said, I BEGGED him to not stick me with kids.  “I’ll do anything!  Just not work with kids.”  He said ok.  Note to self:  He’s not in charge of that, which I feel like he should have mentioned.  His lovely daughter asked me if I wanted to be with pre-K, Kindergarten or 3-5th graders.  I’m sure I had a horrified look on my face as I squeaked “3-5 graders please….”  And then proceeded to glare at my preacher…  And he just laughed.  To go even FURTHER back… I have been saying for a long time that I don’t want to work with kids.  Never wanted to be a teacher, don’t want to do child care in disaster relief, not super interested in working in the nursery, didn’t like working with kids in Summer Drama in high school, will NEVER do children’s counseling.  Ever… never.

So to say that I entered the church on Monday with trepidation is a bit of an understatement.  I don’t know how to handle other people’s children.  I pray every day that mine survives my bumbling mistakes.  And now for the last 4 days for 2.5 hours a day, I’ve been responsible for other people’s kids??  That cain’t be good!!  To add to that, my group is the biggest group this year!  We had 24 yesterday and we were missing like, 8, of them!!  What!!  Naturally my preacher thinks that this is just hilarious and has been telling everyone he has come across that it’s all my fault.  I don’t think there’s any coincidence here.  I think I might not have been listening to God very closely, and he had to do something to get my attention… so now I’m trying to listen and be receptive to what he has to say.

On top of VBE, I managed to put off my homework for too long and tried to squish 4 weeks of school work into 2.  Grades aren’t back yet, so I’m not sure how I did.  I kinda don’t want to know.  So I have been staying up late, getting up early, working for reals and then working at VBE.  Suffice it to say, I am exhausted!

Okay!  All that complaining, really did have a point.  I have learned so much this week!  I’m so glad that God could take this experience (or even these experiences) and turn it into a learning/growing time for me.  First of all, apparently I’m harsh…  I don’t really let my kids climb all over the pews and I feel like they’re all going to think that I think their names are “Keepyourhandstoyourself.”  I can handle being called harsh, been called worse and my church pews aren’t getting torn up!  Outside of the two that called me harsh, most of them have been very respectful when treated with respect.  One of my boys has consistently opened doors for all of us all week.  Two of my boys on Wednesday had me sit down beside them and tell them to keep their hands to themselves, and they said “Yes ma’am,” and then they did!!  I was so proud.  I also am more aware than ever, that when I’m with that church body, I’m right where God meant me to be.  He put me there for a reason, even with those kids.  I’m hearing those Bible lessons too, I’m learning those verses as well.  (And singing and dancing and carrying on with all those kiddos is fun.)  He’s working in my life and in my heart.  I wonder where he’s taking me next!