I spent a lot of the weekend (alone) thinking about what love is. What does it mean? It’s hard to define, really. I spent a lot of my life thinking it was doing everything in your power to make sure the person you “love” is happy. And it is that, to an extent, but it’s also the person you love doing things to make you happy. It’s also so much more than that.
It is learning how to communicate. I have a hard time with that. I spent a lot of time keeping things to myself to spare the person I love pain or worry. I thought that was what it was, anyway. Maybe I just didn’t want to have to share dealing with the issue. I’m getting a lot better at the communication thing, even when it’s difficult to get the words out because I’m scared or nervous of what the reaction will be. It helps to be talking to someone who doesn’t make you feel awful for having a complaint or a concern. It’s also learning that communication goes both ways. Listening is key. Communication is an interesting dance, that I’m not very good at yet, but I’m getting better.
That seems to be the main lesson I’ve been learning lately. A lot of this has all been trial and error and man it’s scary. But through the course of it, I’ve learned something else important. Love does not hurt you! People hurt you, and sometimes there are arguments and painful moments, but being in love does not literally suck the life out of you. It does not make you hate yourself. It does not make you into a person who you are not. It does not make you feel like less than you are worth. Love, TRUE love, lifts you up. It makes you into a better person without changing the core aspects of who you are. A person who REALLY loves you, will not drag you down and they won’t abuse you. They won’t totally wreck your self esteem until you’re a person you can’t even recognize.
I don’t know what has happened to the women my age that we are willing to accept so little from the men in our lives. I’m done with that. I deserve more, my daughter deserves more. And once I decided that I deserved better, I found better. Some of my friends could benefit from the knowledge that they deserve better. Quit accepting the trash, ladies. Quit trying to fix them, quit believing their lies that you’re not worth the whole world. We are beautiful, educated, intelligent women, and we deserve no less than the absolute best.