I’m not going to lie. Father’s Day has made me sad for a long time. I miss my own daddy and now to add to that, all Aubree has for Father’s Day is me. She doesn’t have a daddy she can look up to. Furthering my irritation of the day, daycare sent home a Father’s Day gift. Yes I know they do it for everyone. But they all know… I feel like they could have been more considerate.
That’s the downside. The upside is that my step dad is awesome! And Aubree has him, her great grampa, an awesome uncle (Robert), her preacher, and just a bunch of other amazing men she can look to for guidance in her life! So today I’m celebrating them! (And myself a little!) Happy Father’s Day to all the amazing men in mine and Aubree’a lives!
I came to a few revelations while traveling this weekend. One is them isn’t so recent, just reinforced. The importance of naps is really undervalued. I was really banking on getting one on the trip to Ruidoso. Aubree, however had other plans. She cried the whole way there and I had no idea what to do about it! She wanted to be held so bad. Sorry little girl! She just didn’t understand why she had to be in the car seat. She doesn’t understand the importance of naps yet either unfortunately. She probably won’t until she’s my age. It’s so sad.
The next revelation I came to was that it is SO much more fun to buy stuff for your kids than it is for yourself. Oh the look on Aubree’a face when I put her little Ruidoso cap on her was priceless. It made her so happy. That was much more fun than anything I could have bought myself.
Next I realized to never underestimate the value of a good sippy cup and good baby shoes when traveling. Inadequate ones for both of those can make or break a trip. And you end up with a turned baby ankle and milk all over your face. (We realized about the shoes before the turned baby ankle but not the sippy cup.)
When mobile babies want to walk, bein held just will NOT do. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, at family reunions love babies and they will steal your kid. Most of the time they eventually return them. And for some reason women in the Walmart bathroom will feel the need to stop to talk to you and your child while you’re changing her diaper. Do I really look like I want to chat while my kid tries to wriggle off the changing table?!
Last, but not least, traveling with your family is fun, but there’s just no substitute to sleeping in your own bed!!
I spent a lot of the weekend (alone) thinking about what love is. What does it mean? It’s hard to define, really. I spent a lot of my life thinking it was doing everything in your power to make sure the person you “love” is happy. And it is that, to an extent, but it’s also the person you love doing things to make you happy. It’s also so much more than that.
It is learning how to communicate. I have a hard time with that. I spent a lot of time keeping things to myself to spare the person I love pain or worry. I thought that was what it was, anyway. Maybe I just didn’t want to have to share dealing with the issue. I’m getting a lot better at the communication thing, even when it’s difficult to get the words out because I’m scared or nervous of what the reaction will be. It helps to be talking to someone who doesn’t make you feel awful for having a complaint or a concern. It’s also learning that communication goes both ways. Listening is key. Communication is an interesting dance, that I’m not very good at yet, but I’m getting better.
That seems to be the main lesson I’ve been learning lately. A lot of this has all been trial and error and man it’s scary. But through the course of it, I’ve learned something else important. Love does not hurt you! People hurt you, and sometimes there are arguments and painful moments, but being in love does not literally suck the life out of you. It does not make you hate yourself. It does not make you into a person who you are not. It does not make you feel like less than you are worth. Love, TRUE love, lifts you up. It makes you into a better person without changing the core aspects of who you are. A person who REALLY loves you, will not drag you down and they won’t abuse you. They won’t totally wreck your self esteem until you’re a person you can’t even recognize.
I don’t know what has happened to the women my age that we are willing to accept so little from the men in our lives. I’m done with that. I deserve more, my daughter deserves more. And once I decided that I deserved better, I found better. Some of my friends could benefit from the knowledge that they deserve better. Quit accepting the trash, ladies. Quit trying to fix them, quit believing their lies that you’re not worth the whole world. We are beautiful, educated, intelligent women, and we deserve no less than the absolute best.