I’m annoyed. I’m trying not to be, but I am. I’m freakin ANNOYED!! (Which vaguely reminds me of the episode of Golden Girls where Blanche comes in saying “I’m devastated…. just devastated… absolutely DEVASTATED.”) I’m sick to death of being asked why I’m no longer the girl I was when I was 17. “I know that girl is in there somewhere!” No she’s not! That girl grew up. She matured, handled life, handled her business, got her shit together and moved on. I don’t WANT to be that girl anymore!! That girl was annoying. She was silly, immature, inexperienced, traumatized, emotionally stunted and just dumb. I’m so much more happy with who I am now! I am a mother and a gainful member of society! I’m getting a degree that I feel like I’ll be fantastic at, working a job I love, I own my own house and I’m paying (most) of my bills all on my own. I have learned how to cope with things without having a teenage tantrum, I’m no longer emotionally stunted, I know how to allow myself to be angry, afraid or sad. I can ask people for help for the first time in my whole life. I can do what I want, when I want (so long as it’s not around Baby Girl’s nap/bedtime), I have friends that hung around and waited for me to quit being a moron. Things are going really well for 27 year old Stephenie. Looking back on it, 17 was kinda fun, but way not worth repeating. Ever. I’d like to not be dragged back into that anymore. Why do people insist on doing it??
I’ve decided this is why I can’t get behind high school reunions. If I wanted to talk to those people,the people from 17-18 year old me time, I WOULD!! I do talk to the ones I’m interested in talking to. Which summed up is…two… consistently. I have my friends on Facebook that I keep up with and then two, TWO friends I talk to consistently. Because I’m not interested in going back to that time of my life! What do I have to prove? Nothin. I don’t feel like this time of my life needs those people in it. If they were that important, they would be in it.
I wish this didn’t annoy me so much, but damn it does.