Anyone read Hunger Games?  It’s been a while since I have.  It’s fantastic.  It might have to be a yearly type deal for me.  So that will up my intentional yearly books to the Harry Potter Series, the Ender’s Game series, Lord of the Rings series, White Oleander, Paint it Black, The Vampire Chronicles, and The Chronicles of Narnia.  And I wonder why I get stuck in a rut of reading.  (None of that was the point.)  In The Hunger Games (can’t remember which one) there is a part where Katniss has to remind herself what the truths of her life are.  (I think it’s the third one.)  She goes over and over and over and over it in her head in order to bring herself back to sanity.  I identify with Katniss much more than I’d like.  She’s a hot mess.  An emotionally stunted, hot freaking mess.  I feel, sometimes, like I’m in a spiral.  I lose myself a lot in the fuzz.  I don’t remember the last time I was me.  Really me.  Without having to impress someone, or morph myself into someone that someone else would like.  Seriously.  I think the last time was high school.  And now.  All the sudden I find myself in a place where really, only one person has any real time expectations of me and she pretty much loves me for me as long as I feed, change, bathe, and cuddle her.  So what are my truths?  The basics of me that I can hold onto to bring me back to sanity…

1.  My name is Stephenie.2.  I am 26 years old.
3.  I am from Friona, TX.
4.  I have a beautiful daughter, Aubree.
5.  I have a wonderful mother and sister.
6.  My favorite color is purple.
7.  I write poetry.
8.  I play clarinet.
9.  I am extremely shy and self conscious.
10.  My greatest fear in the whole world is ending up alone.
11.  I constantly seek the approval of others.
12.  In order to compensate for shyness, I am loud, boisterous and in your face.
13.  I hate cleaning.
14.  I love to crochet.
15.  I’m terrified my daughter will grow up to be just like me.

There’s got to be more to me than that…  That’s a sad little list.  I don’t even know where to begin anymore.  I’m pretty sure I cheated and some of those don’t even have to do with bringing me back to sanity.  It is definitely time to take a journey to figure out who *I* am again.  I just hope when I get it figured out… I like whoever I am.


About stepheniejones

I'm currently an advisor in the College of Education at Texas Tech. I have a sweet baby girl named Aubree. I'm currently getting my Master's in Counselor Education with an emphasis on Community Counseling. I feel really called to be a counselor. I'm really excited! I enjoy reading, crocheting, good music, and good friends.

One response »

  1. Stephenie, you are beautiful and lovely – just as you are! I too, lost myself for so many years – in the midst of raising my children, trying to make ends meet, being married, doing it all on my own and then single and doing it all on my own…. One day, I looked at my Mama and told her if I were to die to please make sure they didn’t put ‘Weber’ on my headstone, because I was never loved with that last name – the only people who ever truly loved me were my parents – unconditionally, well until I had Krystal. 🙂 I went on a journey myself, through writing, to discover just who I was – and then I met Warren and had this terrific experience of life as a Princess. And even though he is in Heaven now, I know who I am… and it just comes down to simply, I am me – a child of God, daughter of wonderful parents and mother of three, grandmother of soon to be 9 wonderful grandchildren and a sister to 12 siblings. That is my core – everything else is just fluff. 🙂 We change throughout life – but our core of who we are normally remains….

    I love you honey – and am so proud to call you friend – and I also love to crochet – I am sorta addicted to it 🙂 ❤ ❤ ❤

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