I hate them. All of them. My laptop, my phone, Facebook, Twitter, Pin… no not Pinterest, I LOVE Pinterest. I’ll explain why in a minute. Ravelry is pretty awesome, too.
Technology– I can use it to access friends, family, acquaintances, and Facebook and Twitter… and Pinterest! Either by my phone or by my laptop. I don’t even have to use my voice (which sounds like a man right now) to speak to someone and have an in depth conversation. I can text or type! That’s awesome, right? Well, yeah… especially if I don’t want someone to know what mood I’m in, unless I’m happy. If I’m happy it’s ok, but if I’ve been crying, or if I’m angry, all bets are off because it’s too easy to tell both of my moods when actually speaking to me. Especially if it’s my mom… or my preacher, now. They know me entirely too well, and that’s problematic sometimes. But now, if I’m not texting they know! It’s horrible.
I can’t even take a shower anymore without knowing where my phone is. What if someone calls, or texts, or needs me. Why do I have my phone in the bathroom while I’m taking a shower!?? That’s just way too connected. And now, my phone does almost everything my laptop can do. It’s just easier to type papers on my laptop than my phone.
Also… texting… Why do I get so paranoid if someone doesn’t text me right back? Do I really have so little of a life that I thrive on the attention I get from TEXTING!! How pathetic.
Social media– The universal validation system. Did sanyone see my status, or like my photo? They didn’t like it or comment on it… why not? I can post pictures of myself saying “Stunner” all day long, but if no one had liked that photo, I guarandarntee that I would have felt like crap. Why do I need that validation? Am I really so lonely? Ooooooooh yeah.
That’s what it always goes back to. Loneliness. I’m sick of it. I’m sick to death of feeling this way. How can I be SO connected, yet so alone. Would I rather be miserable than alone? Pfft. I’m miserable AND alone. And angry. I’m so angry!!!!! And my phone and Facebook are silent and I’m not coping well. I seriously considered just deleting Facebook and turning my phone off indefinitely. Cause what in the world is the point.
I got to a point in my pregnancy where anything Facebook related irritated the tar out of me. I deleted it off my phone even so that I wouldn’t have to be soooo connected. I kind of want that, to not have to be so connected, but I don’t know if I have the self control to maintain it. My finger sure is hovering over the deactivate button though.
My baby is asleep in her swing… I really need to be doing something more productive than worrying about… all this. Gah.