I usually keep my thoughts on my devotional to myself. And I haven’t been reading my devotional like I should. Like I want to. I let other things get in the way of my relationship with God. Today my devotional struck a chord with me that I can’t ignore. I haven’t even finished it yet, and I need to write it out. I have a journal that I usually write this stuff in, but something’s telling me to put it out there. Maybe someone can learn something from my thoughts.
God wants us to have an intimate relationship with Him. He wants us to draw near Him at all times. I’m really bad about only going to Him when I need something. The rest of the time, I pretty much take charge for myself. I used to not know when I was doing this. Recently I have known though. And I even told Him to leave me to my own devices. First I told him to change me, fix my thoughts, and then leave me to myself. He’s changed my heart like I asked, but He hasn’t left me to myself. He’s been there, waiting for me to realize that I need Him all the time. I haven’t talked to Him much, but the last couple days I have cracked open my devotional. Today it said this:
“However, from time to time, you overstep your bounds, forgetting who I am. You talk to Me carelessly, even slanderously. While our intimacy is hindered by your irreverent attitude, My love for you is constant. When you remember My majestic Presence and return to me repentantly, I not only forgive you, but I rush to meet you and enfold you in my embrace. I celebrate with you the Joy of being close again as we walk together down the path of life.“
Oh my word. It has left me in tears. He forgives me. He loves me. He WANTS to walk with me, even after I screamed at Him. What reassurance. And I so don’t feel like I deserve it, but how in the world can I turn that down. I have spent way too much time lately yelling in my house at myself in mirrors that I didn’t need anyone but me. I didn’t need to rely on anyone but myself and that included Him. I don’t have to do that though. How powerful is that??
“Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on his faithfulness. Delight yourself, also in the Lord, and he shall give you the desires of your heart. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret, it only causes harm.” Psalm 37:3-4 and 7-8
I know He has been waiting for me. And today, just now, I feel like I have turned around and run back to Him and it feels good. I feel calm. Sad and ashamed, but calm because I know I am loved.